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Getting Back Out There

Your divorce is final, you’ve had a few months to settle in to your new life as a single man again and you’re looking to start dating. Okay, great. But it sure has been a while since you dated anyone, huh? Now is as good of a time as any to fine-tune your approach to dating and work on getting a few things right that you might have slipped up on the first (or second, or third…) time around. I don’t want to give you tips like “wear a nice shirt,” or “hold the door open for her.” At this point in your life, that should be common sense. Let’s dive a little deeper and talk about the female psyche and how to date a woman who makes you forget your ex-wife’s name.

There are a couple hard facts that you need to keep at the forefront of your mind as you re-enter the dating world:

Women like men who they view as superior to themselves.

I cannot stress how incredibly important this is. In most marriages, you develop a sense of complacency and comfort with your situation. If you carry this over to the dating world and are too mushy-gushy, honest about your feelings, or sensitive, you’re going to draw minimal interest from high-value women. Remember, women want a MAN. They want someone who is secure, cocky and confident in all that he does. You might not be used to behaving this way. As happens all too often in marriages, you might have shelved your manliness to appease a nagging wife. However, if you want to succeed in the dating market, you need to get it back. You aren’t out there to please other women or gain acceptance from them. In fact, it’s totally the opposite. They are the ones who must prove themselves to you! This means you are the superior one who could take them or leave them. Play it cool. Don’t commit one way or another towards how you’re feeling about them. The longer you can hold out, the more irresistible women will find you and, by extension of that, the more options you’ll have.

Women, nay, people want what they can’t have.

One of the fundamental traits of humanity is that people want what they can’t have. Use this fact as a tool to gain leverage in the dating world. By being a little mysterious, mischievous and flirtatious, you can drive a woman nuts and make her find you completely irresistible. Tease her. Poke fun at her. Women don’t want to be showered with stupid compliments or worshiped by the man they’re dating. You have to remember that women, by and large, have horribly low self-esteem. Men do too, but women are a little worse generally speaking. People with low self-esteem don’t want to be put on this pedestal where someone makes themselves dependent on them. Stop with the cheesy, lovey-dovey crap you’ve had shoved into your mind your whole life by Disney cartoons, chick flicks, Valentine’s day, and a host of other nonsense. Women don’t want some schmuck who trips all over himself to be subservient to her. They want a man who lives in his own reality and permits her to be in that reality provided she follows established guidelines.

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